This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
