You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize