my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
