just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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