Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
