i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
it glows. i had to have it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
