this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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