nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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