you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize