also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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