i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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