I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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