but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
