We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
