dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
