Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
