Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
