I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
