time to smoke my breakfast
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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