I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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