"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
is it fun? or sober?
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