just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize