You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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