i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
