taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
