I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
