Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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