I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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