White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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