who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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