I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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