i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
