shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
