Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
