if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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