Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
