Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
