ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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