my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize