highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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