Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
