how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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