omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He kissed a someone with a penis
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
