I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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