I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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