I wish I could teleport
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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