In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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