he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
