FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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