Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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