real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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