my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
