my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
