dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
