At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
