went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
