please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
