I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
