Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
