apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
