Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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