hotel room ftw
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
