i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
