at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
two words...techno handjob
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
