it was like his penis was on wheels.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
