A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
