first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
God, I missed his penis.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize