we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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