we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
