you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
