he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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