I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
