Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
