Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
