I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
