No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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