Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize