Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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