Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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