1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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