I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
