I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
